When Life Turns Upside Down by Lisa Sloan - Photographs by Ken Reaves In October 1999, life was good for Carol and Gene Kent. Their only son, 25-year-old Jason Paul, known as J.P., was embarking on a promising naval career and was newly married to a woman with two young daughters— making the Kents instant grandparents. Carol was enjoying a thriving career as a sought-after Christian speaker and author, and Gene had recently changed careers to help with her ministry. Things were so good, in fact, that Carol mused, “Does life get any better than this?”  A Midnight Phone Call
A few weeks later, a middle-of-the-night phone call would abruptly shatter that sense of well-being. The call brought news of the unthinkable: J.P. had been arrested for the murder of his wife’s first husband. C onsumed by fear that the man had abused his stepdaughters, J.P., a graduate of the United States Naval Academy and an avowed Christian, shot him on a Sunday afternoon in the parking lot of an Orlando restaurant. Thus began the two-and-a-half-year nightmare of J.P.’s trial, conviction, and sentencing—to life in prison without parole. With J.P.’s incarceration, it seemed that Carol and Gene’s hopes and dreams for their only child were locked away behind bars as well. A Mother’s Anguish In the beginning, Carol wrestled with guilt and despair. Poring over photo albums, she analyzed every detail of her son’s upbringing. In the end, she came to the conclusion that she could not have changed the outcome. “I have to rest on the fact that, as well as I knew how to be a mother, I did my best,” she says. As she watched her son suffer, Carol came to identify with Mary, the mother of Jesus. She realized that, like Mary, she could no longer orchestrate her son’s life, but she could be there for him. “I think that, as mothers, no matter how old our children get, we can be there for them through prayer, through comfort, and through physical presence for the rest of their lives, even when things happen that seem out of our control.” A New Normal In the years since their son’s incarceration, Carol and Gene have come to accept what they call a “new normal.” Carol has written several inspirational books about their journey, including the best-seller When I Lay My Isaac Down (NavPress Publishing Group, June 2004) and, most recently, A New Kind of Normal: Hopefilled Choices When Life Turns Upside Down (Thomas Nelson, June 2007). From early on, the couple didn’t have the luxury of withdrawing and wallowing in self-pity. Because Carol’s ministry was their sole source of income, a mere five days after their son was arrested, she had to fulfill a speaking engagement at a women’s conference. Just before taking the stage, she wondered how she would make it through. Then, she felt God speaking to her heart, reassuring her that her message was still valuable, despite her circumstances, and that her brokenness could be more powerful than her professionalism. “That was the beginning of an adventure in knowing that God would not waste what had happened to us,” she says.  As the couple began to reinvent their
lives, they decided to move from their
Michigan home, and all the friends and
family there, to Florida so that they
could be closer to their son. In 2005,
they settled in Lakeland, less than an
hour’s drive from their son’s prison. Carol says that the incarceration of their son has actually strengthened their marriage. For one, they have learned not to sweat the small stuff, but, more importantly, they have learned how to rely upon one another. “We had to decide whether we would cling to each other or let this pull us apart,” says Carol. Rather than looking back, the couple decided to look toward the future, even though that future will likely include holidays spent standing in line at a max imum-security prison, waiting to see their son, rather than gathering around the Christmas tree or Thanksgiving table. “We can’t change the past,” Carol acknowledges. “What we can change is the future and what we do with the plate that’s been handed to us.” Church of the Razor Wire Because Sundays are visitation days at the prison, the Kents found it difficult to find a new church after their move to Florida. They soon realized that there were many other Christians among the family members waiting in line alongside them to visit their incarcerated loved ones. They found they had a new church and church family, which they came to call the “Church of the Razor Wire.” “Church doesn’t always look the way it does inside a building with a steeple and pews inside,” reflects Carol. They have even found a new ministry. Along with J.P., they launched Speak Up for Hope, which helps meet the needs of inmates and their family members, such as gathering coloring books and crayons for inmates’ children to use in visitation areas and providing “jump-start bags” of toiletries and other supplies for the newly released.  Choosing Joy
In A New Kind of Normal, Carol shares her own story and those of others to offer hope to those learning to live with challenges they didnot anticipate, including the premature death of a loved one, financial devastation, or a health crisis. She notes that most of us will someday face asituation that is not going to be resolved “because you prayed a prayer and you got some counsel.” Her message isthat if you make positive, hope-filled choices, you will be able to survive and to help others. She writes, “Gene and I have to decide every day that we will choose life in the middle of devastating circumstances instead of giving in to emotional death, depression, discouragement, and defeat.” The Kents have found joy in ministering to others even in the middle of their own neediness, traveling in ministry and encouraging other people who have gone through difficult situations. “We know that life is very short,” says Carol. “So, the more we can engage ourselves in helping others, the more we find ourselves filled with a very special kind of joy.” Hope for the Future Carol says that the ordeal has not only brought her closer to the Lord but also has left her more compassionate and able to empathize with others’ pain. “My new normal involves living life with open hands. People come into my world every day needing to find hope because they’re struggling. I have discovered that, instead of just rushing through my ‘to do’ list, I make more time for people who are in need.”  Though she sometimes has wondered
why God didn’t intervene to prevent the
crime, she takes comfort in the fact that
that there is good coming out of what
has happened. “Why didn’t God give Jason
a flat tire before he got to the parking
lot where he pulled the trigger?” she
ponders. “I don’t know, but one thing
I know is that my son is living for the
Lord in a very unlikely place and that
God is redeeming what the enemy tried
to destroy.” Though efforts to fast-track a clemency bid failed, Carol remains hopeful that the clemency request will someday be approved and her son will be released after serving an appropriate sentence. And their daughter-in-law, who moved away and broke off contact with the family in mid-2005 in order to give her girls a fresh start, is now corresponding with J.P., giving Carol hope that she and Gene may one day see their granddaughters again. To others going through difficult times, she offers the following encouragement: “We never need to say that the last chapter is written on something horrible that happens in our lives. There is always hope, and there is always joy when you know Jesus Christ as your personal Savior.” To learn more about the Speak Up for Hope ministry, visit www.speakupforhope.org |